At Least We Don’t Beat Our Wives
Green Bay, WI vs Pittsburgh, PA. Is this even up for debate? Pittsburgh was recently named the #1 city in the USA to relocate to. There were all kinds of cool facts and numbers that went in to deciding which cities were named the top, among them the fact that the Pittsburgh Steelers are the best franchise in sports, and that the Penguins consistently rock. (I’d mention Clemente, Mazeroski, Bonds, Bonilla, Bell, Kendall and others, but the Pirates have been so bad for so long that I just can’t include them as a reason to move to Pittsburgh. See, I’m fair). But Armpitsburg? You do realize there is an ‘h’ at the end of Pittsburgh, right? I mean, I’m letting the missing ‘t’ go since “armpit” only has one of them, but come on. Really? To which city would you rather move? I lived in Green Bay for a year. You want to know what it was like? I gained 30 lbs. Yes, 30. That is not a typo. All I did was eat chocolate and drink beer. It was so depressing. Surely, Green Bay is more of an “armpit” than Pittsburgh. Look at a map, it even looks more like an armpit. It’s positioned perfectly beneath Lake Michigan forming just the right armpit shape. Everyone in Green Bay has cholesterol over 500.
Big Ben is catching a lot of flack right now for the way he has treated women in the past, but did you know that when the Packers lose, domestic violence in Green Bay goes up astronomically? Seriously, this is a real stat. Look it up. GO PACK GO! FOR THE WOMEN, PACK, FOR THE WOMEN!! AND FOR THEIR FAMILIES! Whenever the Bears “come back” and beat the Packers, there can be as much as 24% increase in domestic abuse in Green Bay. One guy even taped a Packers Jersey to his 7 year old son and then taped the kid to the chair because his kid refused to wear a Packers jersey. Go Pack Go.
Check my links. This is real.
So, when it comes to the debate between Green Bay and Pittsburgh, I don’t care who you are rooting for in the Super Bowl, Pittsburgh wins.
Green Bay? More like Green Beatyourwiveswhenthepackerslose.
That is all.